Today is Ash Wednesday, and it marks the start of Lent. For those who are not familiar with this season in the Christian church, it is a time of discipline and self reflection. It is a time of quiet and stillness. To be find your center.
Every year I give up something and take another task on. This year I am giving up cokes (and all carbonated drinks. Eek). Then this year the extra discipline will be to open up and connect with others on a deeper level. I have become quite a hermit in the last year, and have closed quite a few people out.
I am also concentrating on much self reflection. IT is difficult for me to admit in a public forum, but because of the attack, I have been diagnosed with PTSD. This may seem strange, but more people suffer from PTSD after a violent attack of domestic violence, than vets coming back from the wars. You can read about the causes and symptoms of PTSD here and here and here. Pretty intersting stuff. And i suffered from every symptom right after the attack. Now I am mainly just subject to being extra irritable, and thus have a hard time maintaining close personal relaitonships.
Now the legal and physical battle is finally over, I am taking this time to really heal from the attack and subsequent 18 months of legal hassles, stalking and fear. Finally I can rest and relax.
So this Lenten Season will have a different tone to it. It’s meaning will be much more intimate to me. Because this is the season I get back to me. And that feels good. I have seen glimpses of me along in the past 18 months, but they have been fleeting and in between legal fights and scary threats. I look forward to being healed, from the inside out.
And I really look forward to drinking cokes again. And I am really looking forward to going to church with someone.