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Thine Actions and Words to be True

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

This famous quote when Polonius speaks to his son Laertes in Shakespeare’s Hamlet is one of my all time favorites.  I have long grown up with the belief that actions speak louder than words. That a man is only as good as his word, so if his word is no good, than by default, neither is he. But this quote takes it many steps further and to me at least, is one of my personal creeds by which to live.

Some people think this quote means to be selfish and do as you wish as long as you get yours. I see it very differently. To first glean the true meaning of the phrase, you must first look at it’s origin. Hamlet’s Polonius also gave us the famous quote about “Never a borrower or lender be” and that indeed was part of the original meaning of being true to yourself as well. Polonius is instructing his son to take care of himself by being careful with his actions and words. To be an honest man true to his word but also be aware of what actions are in his best interest. Do not engage in activities which are disadvantageous or disingenuous.

This quote seems to mean that you must look after and take care of yourself if you want to be able to take care of anyone else.

Yes, Shakespeare was quite wise when picking out themes, as taking care of ones self and being honest are still two very relevant topics in this day and age.

When you are honest with yourself and follow what you know to be right, then you will lead an honest and authentic life. People who lie and cheat to get what they want from others are a dime a dozen. There is nothing special about them at all. But someone who follows a sense of integrity, even when it’s not popular? Even when it’s hard? That is someone special, that is someone who you want to have in your life.

Those people who lie and cheat, they know what they do is wrong. Why do they do it? Because they are not strong enough to do the right thing, to be true to themselves, and thus be not be false to others. Because if they haven’t the strength to look themselves in the mirror and be honest, how could they be honest with anyone else? They say charity begins at home, well so does honesty. And trust me, if they can’t even be true to themselves, you don’t want them. Run, run like the wind.

I am no saint. Let’s face it, we had to be judged by what we did in our 20’s, most of us wouldn’t leave the house. We have all done stupid things, made errors in judgment. I have done things for which I am ashamed. But in everything I have done, both good and bad, I have always been honest with myself. And I have never done anything just to be malicious. I have always been able to my head high, even when it was not easy, even when others were hurt and angry.

But if you live your life authentically, if you are true to yourself, then you will always be able to hold your head high. And you will always have respect. If you are selfish and you lie and hurt people? You will lose respect because word will get around. Just ask my last ex boyfriend, who, after he lied and cheated on this girl, found out just how much respect he would loose when his friends and family found out what he had done.

Take care with your actions and your words. Live a life of which you can be proud. And to thine own self be true. And besides, you never know just who might be driving the Karma bus…

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The Friendhsip Contract

I Will hate the same people you hate, and re-like them as you do.

Unless it is some jerky boyfriend. Then I reserve the right to not like him, but pretend to like him for your sake. And I will secretly hope a piano falls on his head. I also reserve the right to make faces behind him when you are talking to him, or “accidently” kick him under the table.

I will always be honest about how you look.

I will never let you leave the house for work/date/social event if you do not look great. I will not ever be mean about it, but I will make sure you never leave the house in anything that makes you look fat. I will also always tell you if you have something stuck in your teeth or have something hanging out of your nose. I will also tell you if you have “that leak” around your time of the month.

I will always know your cycle

and have appropriate feminine products at my house and in my purse so you are never stranded without. I do reserve the right to make fun of you for still using maxi pads.

I will keep your secrets

and only joke about them when no one is around…or when no one will get the reference.

I will have your favorite snacks at my house

If there is a break up involved I will haul ass to the store to make sure I have your favorite ice cream, chocolate snacks and alcoholic beverage beverages.

Help clean your house when it is dirty.

When you are going through a rough time, are super busy. I will come and help clean your house. I will also help set up then clean up after parties.  I will also co-chair all of your parties/events with you. And if your house is not available for your events, my house will be open.

But I can always ditch you

if there is a chance for incredible, hot, amazing sex. Especially if it is with that hot guy that I have had a crush on forever. But I must make it up to you by telling him you are my best friend, that I love you dearly and I must give you appropriate details the next day.

I will help you pack and Move.

This is a big part of the friendship contract. Anytime you move, no matter how many times, I will be there to help pack and move it. I will help you move out of the boyfriends, out of the bad apartment with bugs, out of the bad roommate situation. I will hate it, especially if you have not packed much before I get there, but I will be there.

Buy candy that your kids sell for school.

And wrapping paper, and jewelry, and popcorn and…whatever. All of it, until I have a closet of useless stuff that your kids of sold. I will also take care of your kids if you die.

Drink with you.

I promise to be there with wine, beer or whatever adult beverage of your choice for whatever occasion is needed. I will also pay for your drinks and or dinner if you are broke.

I will watch your pets while you are on vacation,

No matter how strange, big, weird or unfriendly they are. I will come over and feed your dog, change your cats litter box, talk to your snake, make sure your hamster, goldfish, iguana, bird are all OK. But I can make fun of you for having such weird pets.

We borrow each others clothes.

All the time. And if I really like a sweater of yours, I can always keep it in my closet and you can come and visit it on occasion. And even though we still call it your sweater, you will understand that is really is mine now.

Hold you hair back when you get sick,

And put a cold rag on your forehead and help.you in and out of bed. Whether it’s the flu or a bad hang over, I will be there.

Listen to your problems, over and over and over.

And over. But I will give you a kick in the pants when you need it. You have the right to be shitty for a certain period of time. But beyond that, I will tell you when you need to get it together.

I will defend you to anyone who does not like you.

And I will refuse to like them. Ever.

Tell you to keep your Susie-Stalker crazy self in a box.

It’s Ok to be Susie-Stalker with your best friends, but not to that hot guy. Keep it in a box and stay in your lane.

Facebook stalk the guys you like with you.

And I will agree that they look hot and the things they “Like” are compatible with yours.

Check on your boyfriend after a fight for you.

When you have a bad fight and you want to check and make sure he is either at his house, his guy hang out bar, or the office, I will drive by his stomping ground and report back to you.

Pick you up at any time of the day or night

When you are too drunk to make it home, when you are sick, when your car dies in the middle of nowhere.

Not get mad at you for taking me for granted.

If you don’t say thank you, don’t call me back or disappear because you fell in love, I promise to pick things up right where they left off when you resurface. It would be nice if you did send a text or email every now and then just to touch base.

I will listen to you lament about your latest crush and/or broken heart.

I will help you plan drunk revenge schemes and promise to hide the bodies in the trunk until we bury them. In the words of the Dixie Chicks, Earl Had to Die.

To never let you leave with that hot guy, no matter how hot he is, in a bar.

I will hunt you down and take you from his car if I have to to make sure you do not end up a headline on the news. We girls have to watch out for each other.

Mercury in Retrograde

About three times a yar, a little planet called Mercurty goes into retrograde. Even those who do not beleive in Atrology cannot deny that things just seems to go haywire during this time. Typically, life just goes awry. If it mechanical or electrical, it will break or malfunction – computer, phones, machines, cars, equipment, garbage disposals, whatever.

Communication typically breaks down and a lot of misunderstanding happen, betweeen family members, lovers, spouces, students, teachers, bosses, etc. Tavel plans will noty work out, schedules will be botched and missed with wrong times, dates and events. And if you are w writer, you may have a hard time getting your thoughts down in any kind of understandbale way. Thinking is less clear during this time, bad decisions are made, disagreemetn happen, misunderstandings and mis communication.

Appointments will be missed, delayed, postponed and rescheduled  Life seems to come to a standstill, nothing moves. If you are in the transportation industry, you will notice a lot of problems. And typicall it is well known not to sign any important documents and start new projects during this time, as they will be riddled with issues. You can read about the affects here,  here and here.

My poor sister was even a victim of Mercury Retrograde: As she was starting an great job interview after passing a test, the data center had a complete power outage and the interview had to be rescheduled. It has Mercury in retrograde written all over it.

So what can you do, other than hide under someting big and heavy while Mercury laughs at the lot of us?

Because to move forward it is sometimes necessary to backtrack and reconfigure our paths in life. It is important to reconsider, repair, reflect, and reconnect. Mercury forces us to slow down and fix what’s broken, and in so doing, rethink things. It also gives us time to get to projects we have put on the back-burner.

Yes, just like it says, it is a great time to clean out the past, burry the hatchet, clean out the closet, repair relationships and just reflect. Many times we will run into old friends we have not seen in yeears, more people find lost relatives during this time and it’s also a grat time to do all those projects that have been put on the back burner. Clean out the closet, or clear off that desk. Go through all those aold magazines and letter you have been meaning to throw out.

Mercury in Retrograde forces us to slow down, reflect, take care and clean up. And in life, can’t we all do a little emotional housework? Deal with those old issues and get the ghosts out, finally once and for all. And that is why Mercury in Retrograde can be a good thing. If you understand how this time works, you can work woth it, not against it. Handled properly, mercury in Retrograde can be a period of recharging and renewal, because we get the old out to make room for all the good thngs that are coming our way.

Helping Friends Get Published – Pay it Forward

When you are blessed, lucky, fortunate, I believe you should “pay it forward.” You must give back.

No matter what we do, how old we are or what our circumstances, we can always help someone else. Doing random acts of kindness has long been said to not only help others, but ourselves as well. There are many benefits including making us feel better emotionally, boosting our immune system, helps us be less isolated, promotes goodwill and fosters friendships. It also keeps us humble in realizing just how lucky we are. Paying it forward also increases gratitude, both for the giver and reciever.

The famed sociologist Georg Simmel declared that gratitude is “the moral memory of mankind.” If every grateful action, he went on to say, were suddenly eliminated, society would crumble. It is part of our humanity as well. Get rid of gratitude, compassion and empathy are sure to follow. We need gratitude and the help of others.  The saying no man is an island is so very true. 

No matter how harad you work, you cannot have success without other people. Whether they supported you morally, financially or emotionally, we could not do it without them.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine contacted me about a publisher she was working with who was looking for some new fresh writers in my catagory. I jumped at the chance to have a publisher look at my work. Now things look good and are coming together rather quickly. This is so very exciting as I did not expect interest this soon. So, when she said she was looking for good science fiction writers yesterday, I sent out notice to my groups. The result is that I never know how many friends I have that writer science fiction! And after submitting several friends information to her, she said that if she likes their writing, she will put them on the fast track for publishing just as she has done for me.

If it wasn’t for my friend submitting my writing, I would not be publishing this soon. And now I have the chance to do the same for others. And it feels good.

But it is not just about feeling good. As I look at my life, it seems that good will, love and care for others is a cycle.  For example, my mother stayed up watching over me after a particularly bad day a few weeks ago. She gave her love to me through thaty action. Now as my sister needs a home away from home which to stage her next career move, I watch over her and make sure she has what she needs. It’s a beautiful cycle, and we could not survive as a society without it.

To me, life is a series of cycles, some better than others. As a a writer, it is so very exciting not only to have an opportunity to have my book published and distributed because of a friend passing my information along, but it is also so very exciting to do that for other writers as well. And when my friends and I all have books on the New York Times Best Seller list…we will celebrate each others success. And still, pass it on to others so they too can have the chance given nto each one of us.

Paying it forward just seems like a natural step since I have been so fortunate. Helping others helps ourselves, so helping cannot ever be truly altruistic. And that is fine, as long as everyone benefits. But always give back. Always help when you can. Because the life we have can change in the blink of an eye, and you never know when it may be you who needs the help. So when karma comes to visit, make sure it’s pleasant.