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Last Winter’s Night

It is that time of year where it is on the cusp of the seasons – winter to Spring. And indeed Spring is in the air, along with the ever so slight start of pollen. The days are getting longer and warmer, the nights cool but not cold. Look close and you will see the beginning of new life on the trees and in the bushes. Listen and you will hear the sound of a few birds, see the squirrels playing. In the last few weeks, winter has loosed up his grip so that Spring may enter the room.

The last few weeks have also been a whirlwind of activity, both personal and professional. I have been immersed in family as my parents visit for Dad’s chemo treatment and my sister moves in to start her new life. The last few weeks has seen the definate end of an old relationship, and the very new start of another. Work is sprouting in different directions, and friends have been everywhere too. Yes, I have felt like a vine growing in all different directions, stretching thin looking for the warmth of the sun. 

But tonight, it seems, is the last winter’s night. The weekend will be warm and full of spring air, pregnant with the promise of possibilities. The season of heavy coats will be past of this weekend. And so I put on my favorite coat and walking shoes, and walk around the neighborhood. And asa I walked around, looking at the stars, breathing the cool night air, seeing the few neighbors who came outside to retrieve things from their yard or car, I pondered the last few weeks.

Now with my sister here, I am learning how nice it is to not be alone, to have someone I know and trust around, to have interdependance, to be OK to cry in front of someone, to hear someone else around the house, and not need to grab a gun because someone broke in. It’s nice to come home and have someone happily cooking food, have the hosue smell great, and not have me doing all the cooking. It’s nice to have help folding the laudry and that I do not have to face Dad’s health by myself. It’s just so nice.

And there was a sense of peace that came over me, because now that have this, now that I know what it is and what it feels like, I know that I want to have this in my life – with my friends, continued with my family, and with my lovers. And this heart of mine warms up, from the inside out, and I know that this is the start of a new phase of my life. And it is indeed that last winter’s night.

Life is good and I am happy.

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Lingerie Modeling – I Can Cross That off My List!

When we are young, we often make lists of what we want to do or be in life. A bucket list so to speak. And as we go throug blife, we realize that some of those things will never be crossed off the list…but then, if we are lucky, most of them will be.

I always wanted to be paid to write. And I can cross that off the list. I always =wanted to interview nacy Reagan, and I crossed thatoff my life. Always wanted to be in TV, wanted to be in a movie, and yes, I have crossed those off my list. As a joke, I said that I would love to walk the catwalk as a model…and I have been able to check that one off too.  But I never thought I would be able to check off “be a lingeri model.” But starting next week, Iwill be a professional ligerie model. Holy crap.

It is a high end store, in a high end part of town that also has stores in Dallas, Miami, Los Angeles, New York and Toronto. They want real women who have nice figures. Which is good because I am over 100 lbs and am not planning on starving myself anytime soon. Don’t get me wrong, I am no slouch, but neither a Victoria’s Secret model either. It does make me a bit nervous – lots of the crew seeing me in barely there outfits. Eek. And they are going top Pay Me. OK, that makes up for the whole, lots of people are going to see me in my panties thing.

It reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is asked to walk the catwalk in a fashion show with real women. Carrie ended up tripping and falling on the runway due to a questionable pair of shoes – something that indeed did happen to me during my brief stint as a shoe model. Accept I was back stage when it happened…and my leg stuck out on the stage from behind the curtain. Not a great moment. My clumsiness is always finding me at the worst possible times.

Outside of falling backstage to become “fashion roadkill,” it was much fun, with hair, make up and woredrobe people assigned to each model. And they gave us lots of champagne before each show because they wanted us happy and bubbly.

So, it is with excitement and a little bit of nervousness that I start this adventure. I can check off being a lingerie model from my list of things I never thought I would get a chance to do in my life. And all my ex boyfriends can brag ghat they went out with a model…a lingerie model. And they will be talking about me. So cool! Yes, this year is going to be full of wonderful things, this just being one of them. It’s fun to play a model…then go home, get in your comfy sweatpants and eat some ice cream.

Guess I better make an appointment to get waxed.