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Misconceptions About Writers

Write drunk; edit sober.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Writers stay up all night and write. OK, this one may be true…but only for those who do not have day jobs or families, or children, or any life outside of writing. I think this comes from the fact that most of us wish we were so successful we could stay up all night and write.

Writers look fabulous and writer-ish when writing. No, I look like someone who has had the flew for several weeks. I have on glasses, non-match clothes, barefoot, hair pulled back and usually a large glass of wine very close. And make up? Whatever my face happens to look like at the  moment.

Me looking very non-writer-ish  and non-glam while writing

Me looking very non-writer-ish and non-glam while writing

We all have to be alone, on a pond, or somewhere is Europe to be inspired. Oh, how I wish this were true. But it is not. Fact is I have been inspired while riding the bus, in church, while having sex, in the middle of a break-up (not while having sex in the middle of a break-up, that would be very strange…Please notice there is a comma there), while sitting in traffic, in the tub while shaving my legs. Most of the time writers get inspired by life. Everyday, plain things.

Writers are all brilliant. OK, this one may be true…or maybe it’s just me. Actually, I wish I were as smart and people thought I was. Somehow every thinks that because I am a writer, I must know everything. Most of the time don’t correct them and stay quiet so as to not prove them wrong.

Writers are hermits. Some are, some aren’t. Most of us are somewhere in the middle.

Writers must be eccentric artists. – No, some of us are accountants, teachers, business owners, etc. Sure, some of us are crazy, have a sock drawer that is pure chaos, have 4 cats, sometimes forget to get dressed and talk to ourselves (or maybe that’s just me), but most of us just happen to be good at using words.

Writers are brooding, tortured souls – No. Maybe some of us, but most writers I know are pretty happy. We get to do what we love, and if we are lucky, make a little money because a few people read our stuff and liked it.

Writers are all like Carrie Bradshaw, living fabulous lives, and having lots of sex. No, no and no. While my life is pretty fabulous, I so do not live like Carrie Bradshaw, nor am I having lots of sex (did I just write that out loud?!?). Most people think we lead glamorous lives. Many of us have day jobs. Many of us, if we are lucky enough to be able to work form home, may bot even get dressed or take a shower when we are writing. Super. Glam. I know.

Writers are all Fat or fabulously thin. Not so much. Some of us are, some of us aren’t. but most of us are caught in that Bridget Jones hemisphere of if we could just lose that extra 20m pounds, we could fit on our “skinny jeans”  that we refuse to throw away  – just in case, say a world famine happens are we can actually fit into those jeans.

We are starving artists or super rich. Nope. Just like the skinny jeans thing, most of us are making a living, somewhere above the lower and below the upper.

Writers know everything about literature. Um, not so much. Or spelling, or grammar, or sentence structure. That’s what editors are for.

We have wonderful offices in which to write – This one is also many times true. I know I have a wonderful home and work office where I am supposed to write. Many of us do. And most of us never use those spaces. I had a great home office, with lots of books, magazine, stacks of papers. However, where I actually write is completely different. Where I really write is on my couch, in my bedroom office, or in my bed.

Me and my total Glam writing life:

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Yes, I am a Mother

I was asked one question several times while I was traveling over the Mother’s Day weekend to see my best friend’s wedding – Are you a mother? I instinctively said no I don’t. I don’t have any children so this seemed like the most honest answer. Most smiled and wished me a happy Mother’s Day anyway.   Then one person asked me if I was a mother, and I said no, but I do have a sister and nephew who are living with me. She smiled and said, “Then make no mistake, you ARE a mother.”

And upon further consideration, I suppose I am. After all, sometimes being a mother has nothing to do with biology.  I am typing this after every one has gone to bed, after dinner has been cooked and cleaned, everyone has settled in for the night. Kitchen is cleaned, lunches are ready for the morning.

I make sure this house is a home, full of love and comfort, Make sure those I love have what they need, and most of what they want. I work hard, every day, to make sure they know they are loved and wanted.  I support them, all of them, in my home and their own households when they are not here. I plan the grocery list, check the locks at night, turn on the alarm, make sure the household is running smooth.

There are chores that are planned, who vacuums, cooks cleans and such. The snack plates and glasses are gathered from their rooms. There isn’t a time during the day that I do not think about them. They come before what I need most of the time. There are conversations about how their day went; hopes, dreams, thoughts and more. I brought up hot tea and cold beverages before setting in myself to write. This is a spring board, for them, I know.

Dating? Personal life? My family is my personal life. Between all the work that I am doing, all the writing, both contract and freelance, making sure my family is comfortable and has everything they need, I don’t have time to worry about men. And men like to come first. My family comes first, so that does not bode well for relationships. If a man wants to be with me, he will have to come after my family. And he will have to understand that my time is limited, valuable and make the most of it. He will have to keep up with me and the busy schedule that is my life at this time.

I give everything I can, all that I am, to my family, my writing and my home. I love hard, work hard and play hard.  There is fatigue when my head hits the pillow. There is pressure every day to do more, be better, than the day before, for them.

Sound like a mother? Yes, indeed I am. And I love it and am so blessed beyond words to have my home be their home too.

If You’re Comfortable, You May Be Doing Something Wrong

Let’s face it, life is hard. Being an adult? Sometimes not all it’s crack ed up to be. Aside from the fact that we get to eat dessert first, there are a lot of responsibilities of being an adult. There’s a lot of pressure. Just when when we survive adolescence, with all the awkwardness, body parts, hormones, zits, voice changes and growing spurts, we get a dose of reality called adulthood. Really, who was the genius who thought that up?

But we made it through being a teenager, and we can make it through being an adult too. What’s the secret? I don’t know, but I think that if you’re comfortable, you are probably doing something wrong.

That may sound counter-intuitive. Go ahead and read it again, I’ll wait…

What that means, at least to me, is that when you stay in your comfort zone, you are not learning, not growing. If you want to be successful, if you want to follow your dreams, get used to being uncomfortable. Because stepping out of your comfort zone, is by it’s very nature, uncomfortable. And it also means taking risks.

There is a saying that well behaved women never make history. Its very true, for men and women. You have to be a little bit of a rebel to be successful, you have to not be afraid of discomfort. It’s kind of like exercising: If you feel the burn, you know it’s working. You also can’t be afraid of anyone else opinion of you. People may call you crazy, silly, stupid, whatever. But as long as you have the vision, then you’re OK. Don;t worry about what “they” think. “They” don’t know anything.

Take a look at the most successful people in the world – Steve jobs, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, JK Roland, Richard Branson, even George Washington and Thomas Jefferson…they were all willing to stretch themselves, take risks, gamble a little and get out of there comfort zone. Now where they concerned about what other people thought.

Success isn’t just monetary, it could being a singer in a band, starting your own business, going back to school, making a career change, leaving your spouse, or whatever it is that would make you happy. Get uncomfortable. Nothing great ever happened to people who just sat watching TV wondering “what if.”

Those risks may require making sacrifices, and that may make you feel even more uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. It may mean taking that job that you really don’t want so you can save up enough money to take that trip, or start your own business. It may mean leaving everything you know, it may mean losing a bit of money and it will definably mean making a lot of mistakes. But so what? As long as you learn something, that’s what’s important.

And really what do you have to loose? You already haven’t accomplished whatever it is…so if you fail, so what? At least you tried. And you’ll learn something, meet new people, have some new experiences and maybe even a few new stories to tell along the way.

I have been blessed to be a successful writer. That meant being poor for quite a while. That meant leaving my comfy job to strike out on my own and do freelance work. That also meant taking many jobs I didn’t like in order to pay the bills. And it took a hellava lot of hard work. But here I am. And how do I know which writing projects to take on next? Which ever ones will make me the most uncomfortable, which ever ones make me a little scared and make me wonder if I can really do it.

Never stop growing, never stop learning, and always be willing to be uncomfortable. You’ll be amazed at how great it can be.

The Sessions

rarely movies come along that truly tap into what is means to be a human being – without being mushy, gushy and annoying. But I saw a movie last night that truly moved me down to my soul. And I don’t mean int he chick-flick way like The notebook. I mean it truly made me proud to be a human being.

It is the best, most incredible, amazing, most honest, most moving movie I have ever seen. It was mezmorizing in its honesty. I literally could not take my eyes off the screen. It is an incredible story. It is wonderful, funny, honest.
Everyone should have to see this movie.
It is not a love story. It is not a romance. But it is a human and it is beautiful.

I am writing an article about it, and will post it here as well. In the meantime, go out and buy it on DVD, don’t rent it. You will not regret the investment.