Hello, I’ve been gone for a while…maybe a few years even. But Ia m back. Writing up a storm. Sit down, we have much to catch up on in the coming days and entries.
If you obey all of the rules, you miss all of the fun.– Katharine Hepburn
In between the blogs, the words typed and thoughts discovered, have been many events, smiles, laughter, fingernail painting, hopes, dreams, wishes and secrets. Indeed, life has been full, overflowing even. Jobs and contracts, handwritten notes and typed reports. I have flown, walked, driven, screamed, caught flowers, played jokes, broken rules, taken risks and won poker games. I have even felt a young man’s teeth on my thigh, as he slid a garter on my leg, then took the garter off, then put the garter back on, all with his teeth, at my best friends wedding, all caught on tape.
There has been moving out, moving in and moving on. Many dinners, countless dirty dishes, some desserts and more glasses of wine. Family, friends, new chances, things gained, moments lost, seconds taken and actions pondered. I have cried in joy, frustration, fear and from missing someone. From missing you and your voice, and your touch.
The garage is full, closet packed, trunk empty, attic organized, grill bought, freezer stacked and shelves lovingly cleared. I have seen my best and longest friends married, seen one loose a friend, one get divorced. A close friend get a promotion, one loose a job, one pack to move and start over and one going back home.
Oh yes, in between the writing, there has been so much, of everything, to tide me over. And so many times, I feel as if I am about to pop if I don’t run and write it all down, saving, recording each moment, expressing each detail. But that would require my absence in the moment, and I am too busy living, soaking it all in. All the while, my heart is full, Peace is at my door and happiness through the clouds calls my name. And I answer.
So more to come, so much more, in between living life.
Funny how life throws you curve balls. And just when you think you can’t do it, you can and you do. Just when you are not sure you can, you reach deep down within, and pull thge strength up to come through.
So my sister and nephew are moving in for a while. My sister is already settled, so to speak, by nephew won’t move in for a couple of weeks. Mom and Dad were up all loast week for Dad’s chemo treatment. He went in Wednesday and this one was really rough on him. The doctors are optimistic, but the chemo gets worse on him with each dose. So it’s tough to see him in pain and in such bad shape.
But I have managed to take care of everyone, all four of them, and make sure they have everything that they need. Mom has her own space, smoking area, bathroom and comfort things. Dad has his own room, both up and downstairs, and his own diet food and he feels wewll cared for. My sister has her own space and comfort things, food and such, Allan has everythig he needs for school, My sister has a new waredrobe, hairstyle and resume, along with interview suits.
And still there have been good food for good meals, wine, warm blankets, hot tea, cool water and plenty of space. There has been worry, laughter, hugs, memories, thoughts and time together.
So far I have been able to provide everything they have needed and wanted, right down for new books for Mom to read. Oh, there have been freak out moments, such as this past Monday. I can I do this? Can I do this? Will I be good at it? The answer is yes. Because this is family and failure is not an option.
So I can do this, be the head of the household and take care of everyone. I was nervous because I knew I would always be the one my family leaned on, but I always thought there would be someone with me, that I would not have to do it alone. But here I am. I can can do this. And still work, and still have a social life and friends. And still be me.
Wallow or Rise
We all go through hard times in our life. All of us, as some point, will be hurt deeply, be betrayed, lied to, mislead and broken hearted. That is the risk sof being human, the risk of loving and being loved and the risk of being open to living life. All of us, during our lifetime, will have bad things happen to us that we do not deserve. We are given life, no one promised us it would always be fair or easy.
But I have a theory about those bad times. I think you have a choice – either let those times drag you down and hold you back like a ball and chain, or use those bad times as a stepping stone to rise above it all and become a better, finer, stronger, more comapssionate person.
Some people shoose to wallow in theri misery and pain. Those are the ones who lie to themsleves and others. Those are the ones who use others and hurt them as a result of the pain they are feeling inside themsaelves. It is a ref;ection of their own self loathing, and it is toxic. Have you ever been around those kinds of people? They make you feel good for a while, then, they start istreating you and blaming you for it. Get away, and run fast.
That is what happens when you choose to wallow. You become biiter, twisted. That is a terrible place to be. Going through the bad times are hard enough, who would want to stay there and add to the misery? Not me, but some people do. Don;t be that guy (or that woman).
Know that those bad times are only temporary. The pain is only temporary, even if it is so strong it’s almost blinding. It won;t be loike that in 10 years, 5 years, 1 year or even 6 months. DOn’t let the temporary bad events make a negative permanent impression. And you know what? Those people who hurt you? It drives them crazy to know that you are happy and doing well without them. Having a great life and being happy is truly bthe best revenge.
So don’t be afraid to sore, don;t be afraid to step over the hard times and rise above the pain, anger, fear and confusion. The view is much better from up here, I promise. And it’s never too late to start, so what are you waitin for?
We all remember that game called Life…you spin the wheel, move your man and follow the directions on the space you landed. Sometimes you ended up with a lot of money, sometimes kids, sometimes lots of things. But there was never any way to know how it was going to go, no matter how you thought you had it figured out.
It is amazing to me the many twists and turns on which life takes us. One thing is for sure, it’s never boring. My life is great, however that does not mean that there are not bad moments, days or worries. There is a saying that life is what happens while you are planning. This, I have found, is so true. And there are some things for which you simply cannot plan, some things that will throw you for a loop, some things for which you just have to roll with the punches so to speak. As a woman who plans, this can be a but unnerving.
Mom and Dad will be here today for Dad’s latest chemo treatment. If this doesn’t work, the doctors are not sure what will be next. Though I have a lot of Faith that things work work out, there are still worries. There is taking care of Mom who will be just about sick with sorry so we much be strong for her.
Money will be tight for the next 2-3 weeks. Temporary cash crunches are just that, temporary. And in that amount of time I will be completely out of debt and debt free is a wonderful place. I don’t believe in using credit cards. After being in finance for so many years, I saw first-hand how easy credit has helped destroy this nation. So I don’t use credit unless I have to. But writing about easy credit and people living beyond their means could be the subject of many blog entries.
My sister and I are having a great time, but it is difficult for her being away from her family. She has been married for 25 years and they have never really been apart. I do as much as I can for her to make her feel better. And in the middle of all of it, are my Lenten Disciplines. Practicing Grace. And God has a sense of humor. I am good except with one person, my latest ex. And I just enjoy being snarky to him because he hurt me so bad. But practicing Grace means letting all of that go, and being nice. He actually accused me of only being nice to him when I needed something. No, I am trying to be nice because of Lent. But, I can only do what I can and let others think what they may.
I may need to add Pride to my list of things on which to work on for my Lenten Disciplines. I have a hard time asking for help. I have been on my own for a long time, and it hurts my pride deeply to admit I cannot do something on my own. As a result, I tend to go to the same people over and over for help, so to avoid anyone knowing that I need. But that is for another entry.
There are also more belly dance classes and photography classes for which I have signed up. There are the photo-shoots scheduled with my agent, new headshots, my book, work is crazy busy, the new relationship that we are exploring, running more and longer, learning the new iPhone, getting my nephew moved in, and a few other things.
So life is very good, better than I ever thought, but still there are twists and turns in this journey. It is not yet the end of the second month of the year, and it has been so much more than I expected. So many things have not been planned, both good and bad.
So plan all you want, but make sure you have some room for the unexpected, because it’s coming. And really, would we want it any other way? Think of the roads which we take, the people we meet along the way, and the unplanned events that happen in our lives. The twists and turns are what make life…life.
Every day I wake up so excited because I am a writer. I actually get paid to write. Every day. Sometimes I want to pinch myself. I am living my dream, every day, and sometimes I want to pinch myself.
Many people have asked me how to live your dream and how I became a writer. First off, I kind of went at it backwards, but many great things in history have happened quite be accident. I have always been a writer, and I had been writing for over 25 years before I discovered I was a writer and could get paid for it. Like I said, I was a bit backwards.
And for the first time, I felt like I truly belonged. I had found my place in the world. Before that I had done radio, which was a lot of fuin and aI was great at it, but it didn’t quite fit. Then went to finance, which I was very good at and hated it. When I first got out of radion I tried administrative work. Not only did I hate it but I was terrible at it. I couldn’t do it. It was just too boring to sit and draw up a calander, or type a letter, or organize a filing cabinet. and I just could not see doing any of these thigns for the rest of my life. The came writing. And I will nevr do anything else again.
To live your dream, first you have to know what your dream is, what your passion is. There are so manby books that tell you about this, how to find it and blah, blah, blah. It’s very simple – what gets you excited? What are you passionate about, believe in and could do for the rest of your life? And I don’t mean playing video games all doy. I mean, what do you really love doing?
Today at lunmch some friends of mine and I were talking about kids in college. All of them were parents, except me, but I have my nephews, so I a Parent 0.5. We talked about how important it is to support your kids inthe career they have choosen. One man had three daughters and they all have decided to be music majors. So they have driving and flown all over the country with their girls for auditions to colleges. Another parent had a child who wanted to be an art major. So they were in the process of putting together a portfolio for him to submit to the colleges of his choice. And as the list went on, it was wonderful to see that these parents were not concerned about anything but their childrens happiness in following hteir dreams.
None of these parents criticixed the kids for not choosing a major that was “profitable” or would lead to a lot of many. They told their children, follow your dreams and we will support you. As a writer, I appreciate that outlook. I have known parents who didn;t like their childrens major and pulled the plug on financing. They were paying for it so they had a say in what their childs dream should be. Ever watch the move October Sky? If not you should. How many parents ruin the relationship with their children because their children will not be controlled like that and follow their dreams instead of their parents wishes?
So support your children in whatever their dreams may be. They may not make the most noeny int he world, but at least they can be happy. and really, what more could we wish for our children than for them to be happy? There are many people who are veyr wealthy, who have great lucrative careers, but who are miserable.
Follow your dreams and your passion, no matter what. No matter who does ot does not agree with it. No matter who supoorts you or not. Then work hard, I mean have a sick work ethic when it comes to your dream. Do not accept no as an answer when you are following that dream. If Stephen King accepted every no he got before he finally found someone interested in his writing…we would never have heard of Stephen King. And do whatever you have to do to make that dream come true.
With hard work, determination, perseverance and lots of luck, you can it, whatever it is. It won’t be easy, but wnything worth having is worth fighting for.