A Difference in a Day

A measure of time. A second, an hour, a day, a week a year. What do they mean? To me, time is a measaure of life. The space between everything in our hearts, minds, souls and our world. And in that time, in that space, life happens. All that we are, do, want and hope to be. All the mess that is life, is in time. And in 24 hours…

We all have those days where we are just a mess, but in my expereince, most of the time it’s just a matter of perspective. Many times, a day can make all the difference. It is amazing how much perspective can change in just 24 short hours.

Yesterday I was a very tired hot mess. Worroed sick about my father and his latest chemo treatment for liver cancer, I hardly slept the night before. I drove him to the hospital while my sister and mother stayed home and prepped for furniture moving. All day I was anxious, we all were, until we knew dad was OK. Furniture was moved, my work was completed, the house cleaned, errands were run, dinner made and life moved on, slowly, as we watched the clock until we got the call.

It was the hospital. Dad was fine, the treatment successful and it was time to come and pick him up. He was weak, sick and in pain. It is hard to see a loved one in that condition, but we are very close family and were honored to be there for our father who has been there for us through out the years. After he was comfortable and alseep, Rita Mom and I went to bed, Mom sleeping next to Dad to keep an eye on him.

When I laid my head on the pillow, I was so exausted I could have cried. As I breathed in deep, my shoulders, my legs, my body, started to relax. I had deep sleep with peaceful dreams. It is amazing how the health of a loved one can affect our own. But it is because my Dad is part of “Our own” that we care for him, because he is a good man, because he is a wonderful father, because he is a wonderful husband. And mostly because, all because, he is my Daddy.

A good night sleep can work wonders. And that is where perspective comes in. Dad is going to be fine after this round of chemo. And I can do this, be the head of the household for my family. I am my mother’s daughter, and I have a steel frame inside me. I am strong and resilient, ,just like my father.

And the world in my oyster. i have a wonderful home where my family finds refuge, there is good food, wine, love and friendship. I have a great and wonderful man in my life. I have great friends, a great job, a book being published and amazing things are happening. And I have Faith. There is no reason to be doubtful of anything.

My life may not be perfect, but it is better than many, and I am happy. But even the happiest of people can have stressful days, and can be hot messes. So be there for your friends and family, even those who are happy and in a good place. They will remember and love you for your support. After all, if we don;t take care of each other, then who will? It’s up to us, each one of us, to have compassion and understanding. Join me, won’t you?

Pride, Grace and Moving

We all  must learn to ask for hlep at some point in our lives. This is a very hard thing for me. It truly hurts my prode when I find that I cannot do something myself. I. Hate. It. But I had to swallow my pride and do just that recently. My nephew will be moving in temporarily and for 2-3 months my office needs to be his bedroom. Easy enough. Except that a huge heavy desk had to be moved out of the room, into the garage and the bedroom furniture on loan from my parents moved from their van to my nephews room.

So, I swallowed my pride and asked my most recent to to please, please, please, help unload and move. This was hard for me and he did not make it easy. Why not call the man you are dating now? (He runs his own company, is not available during the day and had a family emergency). Why not just get some movers? (hmmm, it costs at least $200 to get them, and since I have 2 people moving in, I am a bit short on cash at the moment). Why not get another friends? (I don’t ask a lot of friends for help. Very few people. Ever. Pride).

The result of me swallowing my pride? The ex came over and helped, everything was moved into place. The desk is dismantled and in the garage, the bedroom furniture is where it is be and the room is ready for my nephew to move in.  And my ex and I saw each other where we were not yelling at each other.

The moral of the story? Maybe it is OK to ask for help. Maybe pride is not always a good thing. Yes, we can write it and read it all we want, but until we really know it, it does not good.

And Grace. Yes ther is that word. It is very hard to have Grace toward someone who hurt you. And he did, a lot. And I have to admit, I have been very snarky to him. I am a fiesty southern red head, and he expected me to do that which I already told him I was not capable. I told him how I would react if put in thyat situation. And true to my word, I acted just as I said I would. He was surprised got very angry. And then I was snarky. And I enjoyed being snarky. That’s the thing about being feisty, you enjoy it.

But that is not Grace. And that is not forgiveness. It is hard to forgive when you are still hurt and angry, and it is hard to be Graceful when you enjoy being feisty. But that is what I must do. After all, my ex showed more grace than I when he showed up to help, moving heavy furniture, facing my mother and sister, still smiling and moving heavy things. I could learn from him in that regard.

And my life has been so blessed with so many good and wonderful things, that I should be less pridefull and more Gracefull. I cannot, in good conscience, ask for the blessings in  my life to continue and still behave in a way that is not condusive to having Grace. And so that will bemy motivation.

Pride, Grace, and moving.

Twists and Turns In the game of Life

We all remember that game called Life…you spin the wheel, move your man and follow the directions on the space you landed. Sometimes you ended up with a lot of money, sometimes kids, sometimes lots of things. But there was never any way to know how it was going to go, no matter how you thought you had it figured out.

It is amazing to me the many twists and turns on which life takes us. One thing is for sure, it’s never boring. My life is great, however that does not mean that there are not bad moments, days or worries. There is a saying that life is what happens while you are planning. This, I have found, is so true. And there are some things for which you simply cannot plan, some things that will throw you for a loop, some things for which you just have to roll with the punches so to speak. As a woman who plans, this can be a but unnerving.

Mom and Dad will be here today for Dad’s latest chemo treatment. If this doesn’t work, the doctors are not sure what will be next. Though I have a lot of Faith that things work work out, there are still worries. There is taking care of Mom who will be just about sick with sorry so we much be strong for her.

Money will be tight for the next 2-3 weeks. Temporary cash crunches are just that, temporary. And in that amount of time I will be completely out of debt and debt free is a wonderful place. I don’t believe in using credit cards. After being in finance for so many years, I saw first-hand how easy credit has helped destroy this nation. So I don’t use credit unless I have to. But writing about easy credit and people living beyond their means could be the subject of many blog entries.

My sister and I are having a great time, but it is difficult for her being away from her family. She has been married for 25 years and they have never really been apart. I do as much as I can for her to make her feel better. And in the middle of all of it, are my Lenten Disciplines. Practicing Grace. And God has a sense of humor. I am good except with one person, my latest ex. And I just enjoy being snarky to him because he hurt me so bad. But practicing Grace means letting all of that go, and being nice. He actually accused me of only being nice to him when I needed something. No, I am trying to be nice because of Lent. But, I can only do what I can and let others think what they may.

I may need to add Pride to my list of things on which to work on for my Lenten Disciplines. I have a hard time asking for help. I have been on my own for a long time, and it hurts my pride deeply to admit I cannot do something on my own. As a result, I tend to go to the same people over and over for help, so to avoid anyone knowing that I need. But that is for another entry.

There are also more belly dance classes and photography classes for which I have signed up. There are the photo-shoots scheduled with my agent, new headshots, my book, work is crazy busy, the new relationship that we are exploring, running more and longer, learning the new iPhone, getting my nephew moved in, and a few other things.

 So life is very good, better than I ever thought, but still there are twists and turns in this journey. It is not yet the end of the second month of the year, and it has been so much more than I expected. So many things have not been planned, both good and bad.

So plan all you want, but make sure you have some room for the unexpected, because it’s coming. And really, would we want it any other way? Think of the roads which we take, the people we meet along the way, and the unplanned events that happen in our lives. The twists and turns are what make life…life.

What Not to do And To Do on Valentines – A Mans Guide to a Happy Woman

Guys, we know you try. But sometimes a little help can go a long way.  So, here is what not to do on Valentine’s, and helpful hints that will make her smile as well.

Don’t Say I love you – unless you mean it!  Those three words mean a lot, but they imply much more. There is an old saying, that until you say I love you, you are a free agent. So once those words are spoken, the game changes and she will expect that you mean you actually LOVE, that you only want to be with her and no one else. So if you are not ready to be exclusive, don’t say I love you.

Recently I had a man who told me he loved me…while he was sleeping with another woman. Yep, can you say sleaze-bag? He didn’t understand why I was upset at his cheating either, because he didn’t see it as cheating. He eventually fessed up that he just said it to ‘avoid confrontation and because he missed me. (Translation: I wanted to screw you AND the other woman. He probably said “I love you” to her too.)

Say I love you only when you mean it, only when you are ready to be exclusive and only when you are ready deliver what those words mean to her.

Don’t Date Someone – just so you don’t have to be alone and Valentine’s, then break up with her shortly thereafter.  Kind of a nasty thing to do to a girl, just because you don’t want to be alone.  I cannot tell you how many guy friends I have that have admitted to dating a girl only because they did not want to be alone for the holidays and broke up with her right after Valentine’s. Don’t be “that guy.”

Instead, wait until someone you are really interested comes along, and if it happens to coincide with the magic day of love, then all the better. Trust me, the right woman is worth the wait.

Flowers are nice but…Give her flowers just because it’s a Tuesday, and she will be a very happy woman. Roses are ridiculously expensive on Valentine’s Day, so why not save that money and give her a gift that she really wants instead? Maybe give her a rose with the amazing gift…and see how much she appreciates it. Besides, just as with an expensive dinner, anyone with a credit card can get her some flowers, do something for her that is distinctly you.

Don’t just do Nothing. Times are hard in this day and age. So what if you don’t have the money to really treat your woman for Valentines Day? No worries, there are plenty of wonderful things to do that don’t cost a thing. For instance, cook her dinner. If you are not much of a cook, how about give her a massage, a foot rub, scratch her back, run her a hot bath, or even better, take a both with her. I LOVE to take a bath with my man, It’s wonderful, sexy, intimate, and romantic. Don’t forget the candles and soft music.

The Dance – How about slow dancing with her to her favorite love song? For guys, this may sound silly, or may even make you a little sick…but trust me, she will love it. I had a man slow dance with me in in living room once, and I melted all over the floor. It was a t that moment that I knew I was in love with him. Yes, slow dancing is that good. 

And Finally – How about going parking and having a good old fashioned make out session? Remember when we used to do this as teenagers? When was the last time you did it? In the rushed world of being an adult, sometimes we forget just how wonderful, romantic and just plain hot it is to park and make out. I know I would love it.

The Sessions

rarely movies come along that truly tap into what is means to be a human being – without being mushy, gushy and annoying. But I saw a movie last night that truly moved me down to my soul. And I don’t mean int he chick-flick way like The notebook. I mean it truly made me proud to be a human being.

It is the best, most incredible, amazing, most honest, most moving movie I have ever seen. It was mezmorizing in its honesty. I literally could not take my eyes off the screen. It is an incredible story. It is wonderful, funny, honest.
Everyone should have to see this movie.
It is not a love story. It is not a romance. But it is a human and it is beautiful.

I am writing an article about it, and will post it here as well. In the meantime, go out and buy it on DVD, don’t rent it. You will not regret the investment.

Celebration of Love – The State of My Union

It’s that time if year again – where love is in the air. It’s Valentines Day, the day to celebrate love and everything that goes along with it. And for many singletons, and those who are attached in relationships as well, it is a time for shear panic. I have never understood the panic associated with this couples day celebrating love. Maybe that is because how I have always viewed Valentines Day.

Most of the time I am single for Valentines, because honestly I avoid dating men during the holidays like the plaque. If I am not already in a relationship when Halloween rolls around, I don’t even think about dating until after February 14th. This year I am seeing a wonderful man, but my view on the day has stayed the same.

For me, Valentines has not been about roses, chocolates and expensive dinners. And honestly I really hate going out on Valentines because every place is crowded, menu prices are jacked up for “couples deals” and it is just a big hassle. I would rather stay in, watch a movie, snuggle on the couch under a blanket, have a glass of wine and go to bed early. That sounds much better than getting dressed up, fighting traffic, trying to arrive on time for the reservations, going to a crowded place.

To me the day has been about a celebration of love, all the different kinds of love you have in your life. And when I look around, my life has an abundance of love whether I am seeing someone or not.

I have the best family in the world. We are super close, we are truly there for each other, support each other and love each other no matter what. Truly unconditional. And I am so lucky to have that because so many do not. I am very aware of how mucky and blessed I am in that area.

Next there are my friends. I have a very small group of close friends, though I know many, many people and have thousands of contacts. But my core group of friends are amazing. They are honest, loyal, have honor and integrity. Some I have known for 30 years, the newest for 3 years. And I could call anyone of them, and they me, no matter what, and we would be there for each other. And have been.

So when I look around at the amount of love in my life, a partner is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. And that is how it should be, because having a full life means recognizing how rich are already are with what you already have.

So don’t worry if you are single this Valentines, because if you look around, you \have more love than you think you do. So celebrate it and be thankful.